Chapter 32

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Translator: Harry Potta
Chapter: 5
Chapter Title: An Unspoken Vow, An Unwelcome Lesson
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On the way back to the estate, I was unable to see Lady Cisse. The same was true even after we arrived.

People called me a brave knight. They praised me for upholding my knightly duty, though they lamented that it hadn't been for Lady Roena.

Their words brought me no joy. On the contrary, I found them contemptible. Not a single person, not even in the Vischwartz household, was concerned for Lady Cisse. It was more chilling than hearing them curse her based on baseless rumors.

I could not help but feel sorrow at their heartlessness and immoral behavior. This feeling peaked when I learned that Lady Cisse had been placed under confinement by the Countess.

Lady Cisse had watched the horse charge directly at her. The shock of that moment must have been indescribable.

Even a robust man would feel terror in such a situation. How much more so for a delicate woman? And yet no one, still no one, felt pity for her or worried about her.

Even the count's physician, who came to treat me, mentioned in passing that she was worried about me. Hearing that, I couldn't help but give a bitter smile. Who was worrying about whom? Who!

So when I happened upon Lady Cisse in the garden, I could not help but speak of the isolation she must be feeling.

“I am your knight as well, my lady.”

These were words I should have said sooner, words that should have been delivered to you. The look of resignation and surrender that clouded her face did not suit her beautiful features.

But was I too early, or too late? Her figure, hastily fleeing the garden as she voiced her fear of people's eyes and mouths, felt like an intangible phantom I could not grasp.

As if foretelling that I would often be left watching her retreating back in the days to come.

I reached out a hand toward the spot where you had vanished. There was nothing to grasp. Even the cast shadow was too short to leave a lingering trace.

There is no need to reveal one's heart? That truth, even if unseen, always shines brightly like a star in the heavens?

A hollow laugh seemed to escape me. This feeling reached its peak in the garden where I first met Lady Cisse, when I discovered a handkerchief lying discarded among the bushes.

It was so soiled with mud and dust that it was hard to recognize, but I knew instinctively. This was undoubtedly the handkerchief I had given to Lady Cisse.

Were you prepared for this from the very beginning?

I pressed a kiss to the corner of the handkerchief and clutched at my heart, which felt ready to burst. My heart stirred at the thought of Lady Cisse, wandering in solitude and weeping alone.

I felt it didn't matter whether this was a knight's sense of duty or pity for someone who reminded me of my brother.

No, it wouldn't be so bad to think it was something more. What's important is that I, you, Lady Cisse…

In the distance, I heard Pell calling for me. I folded the handkerchief and tucked it into my breast pocket.

I hoped that one day, it would once again be held in someone's hand, just like before. I prayed that resignation would become purity, surrender become joy, and isolation become connection.

Then I would no longer have to see that phantom-like retreating figure.

***

After meeting Sir Halberd in the garden, I stopped taking walks in that area and tried to soothe my spirits by reading.

In truth, the simple pleasure of sitting in a chair in a light chemise, sipping tea and reading a book, was not so tedious.

Of course, I also engaged in various other activities, such as napping when I felt tired or having a light snack, but I spent most of my time reading. When that failed, I practiced embroidery with Marie.

When I grew bored of these activities, I would smell the flowers Marie had picked early in the morning and search for a dress that matched them, or playfully wash my hands and feet with perfumed water.

I took great pains to forget what had happened in the garden, and it seemed I was almost succeeding.

Therefore, the letter from Lady Irene that arrived around this time was more than enough to make me happy. Having returned to her own estate, she wished to share her girlish sentiments with me by sending copperplate engravings of the latest dress and shoe styles.

It was a way for her to show off, as she would soon be making her debut in society, and to flaunt her elegant taste. It also concealed her intent to increase her followers through such exchanges.

My dearest Lady Cisse,

I hope you do not find it amusing that I am writing this letter standing before a bureau decorated with seashells.

This desk of archaic taste, a reflection of my mother's sensibilities, often vexes me. I much prefer furniture that is more delicate and beautiful.

How is your health? And is the loyal knight of House Vischwartz well? I still find myself chuckling a little when I think of that day.

You were far more noble and elegant than your stepsister. The sight of you then, upending everyone's expectations with a calm and courteous tone, was so dazzling it was downright enchanting. That is why I am so very pleased to be writing to you like this.

I will soon be making my debut in society, so I have much to prepare these days. From dresses and parasols to shoes and jewels, merchants visit the house every morning and exhaust me until evening.

I have no time to read. Nor am I permitted to play an instrument or sing. It's a wonder I don't collapse and faint on my daybed.

I am simply enduring by looking at elegant gold embroidery, lace beautifully bloomed with flowers, and delicately tilted feather ornaments. I am enclosing some copperplate engravings of the latest dress and shoe designs. I hope you will enjoy them with me.

Until we meet again,

Irene de Divinzel.

Marie did not forget to let out a cry of delight as she looked at the engravings Lady Irene had sent.

Seril, too, kept glancing at the engravings, her eyes full of admiration. As befitting designs sent to a ducal house, the images on the flat plates were so lifelike they seemed about to pop out, possessing an indescribable splendor.

“When you make your debut, my lady, you’ll also choose your dresses and shoes by looking at engravings like these, won't you?”

Marie could not hide the excitement in her voice, even as she polished a silver basin with a cloth. A faint blush colored her cheeks.

Indeed, around this time in my past, I would pester my mother to call for designers and order dresses indiscriminately. But most of them were of such low quality they were not merely shabby but utterly dreadful. It was due to my utter lack of refined taste.

Nevertheless, my clothes cost twice as much as Roena's. This was because the merchants freely cheated my mother and me, who were completely blind when it came to aristocratic goods.

Some of the maids even committed the sly act of introducing me to such merchants and taking kickbacks from them.

Looking back, it is clear my mother wanted to do something more productive than simply flaunting aristocratic status by ordering dresses and jewels.

One could tell from how earnestly she had pleaded with me to hire a history or etiquette tutor, and to learn to play at least one instrument.

But to the me of the past, the dignity and duties required of a noble were unnecessary. A piece of chocolate, a glass of wine, or a sweet cookie in my mouth was far more important.

I believed I had fulfilled my duty simply by slathering on powder, rather than scrubbing away the grime of vulgarity that clung to my body. There was no reason to concern myself with such trivial matters.

Of course, this often led to arguments with my mother. Whenever that happened, I would stomp my feet loudly or scream like a madwoman to frighten her. And to think I didn't even know what I needed most.

Now, Madame de La Vallière was providing the aristocratic education my mother had so desperately wished for in the past. As a result, arguments of that nature had disappeared.

But my mother seemed to think that since my education had started so much later than other young ladies, I needed to learn even more.

So she sought to prove her own worth by identifying other, external areas that La Vallière had not yet addressed.

I didn't think it was a bad thing, so I simply watched from the sidelines. But had I known beforehand that my mother would commit the bold act of summoning a prostitute from the back alleys into the Vischwartz estate, I would have earnestly tried to dissuade her.

In truth, summoning a prostitute to an estate was not surprising. It was, in fact, rather common. After all, how many young ladies my age had not received sex education from a prostitute?

However, my mother should have acted, at the very least, when Madame de La Vallière was away from the Vischwartz estate, if only to avoid her censure.

Unfortunately, my mother committed the outrage of bringing the prostitute into my bedroom. Her excessive enthusiasm had overcome her rational judgment. Thanks to her, I came face to face with the alluring ‘Pérignole’, who stood there with a strange smile, as if she had been expecting me.

“It's a pleasure to meet you. You can call me Pérignole.”

Her lips were still bright red. Her bosom, pushed up high, swelled as if about to burst from her bodice. Her hair, cascading naturally to cover the nape of her neck, was sinuous like a snake and so seductive one could not look away.

A black silk dress was a very demure color for a prostitute to wear, but on her, it looked like the most vulgar and lewd garment in the world.

“Oh, many a noble lady receives a very private education around this age. And I happen to have quite a talent in that area. So you will certainly not be disappointed.”

I had known that someday I would be educated about sex and men by a prostitute or an old maid. It was a duty, after all. But I never thought I would meet Pérignole so easily.

My original plan was to receive my education from a prostitute chosen by the family, and then pretend to learn of ‘Pérignole’ from her before summoning her myself.

Therefore, this kind of unplanned meeting was neither welcome nor pleasant, especially considering the wrath Madame La Vallière would display.

I sat on the sofa with a reluctant expression. Seeing my mother's satisfied smile, I didn't know what to say.

“Shall we begin?”

Pérignole smiled. Then, with her chin lifted, she began to walk forward one step at a time, swaying her hips as if to command my attention.