Chapter 78

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Translator: Harry Potta

Chapter: 78

Chapter Title: To You, Whom I Couldn't Erase Even If I Tried to Forget (2)

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"A letter?"

"Yes. How about writing one to Madam?"

The moment the nanny returned, I shared the idea that had come to me earlier that day. Saying it out loud, it didn't sound half bad. The nanny pondered for a moment, then nodded.

"Now that you mention it, it's been quite a while since we last wrote one."

"Then why not write one now? She might even send a reply."

"Sounds good. Madam's staying at the estate right now, so I can deliver it for you."

Permission granted.

"But I'm not sure if she'll reply."

I shot her a look that said, What do you mean? The nanny gave a wry smile.

"We used to send letters often before, but at some point, her replies started coming later and later... and eventually, we stopped sending them altogether."

The mood grew heavy at her words. Still, wouldn't she be happy to get one? It had to be safer than him climbing up on that impossibly high windowsill and peering out.

I got ready right away and approached Robert, slipping him a crisp, clean sheet of paper.

"To Mother?"

"Yes. I'm going to write her a letter."

But contrary to my expectations, Robert didn't look pleased. He fiddled with the pen, his face sullen. I'd thought he'd be happy. Instead, he seemed utterly disinterested.

"If you write her a letter, she'll write one back."

"Liar."

Robert didn't believe me. I could tell that a faded spark of hope in his heart had solidified into disappointment.

This won't be easy. A letter reply isn't going to cut it. I worried he might climb onto that windowsill again. It was baffling how no accidents had happened yet with such dangerous behavior. This time it had been minor, but next time could be disastrous.

For now, I needed something to pique Robert's interest.

As I thought it over, an idea suddenly struck me.

"Hey, can you get me some colored ink?"

"Colored ink?"

Johnny blinked. I nodded firmly and pressed on.

"Any color's fine. Even better if you can get a bunch of different ones."

"You mean not the usual black ink I know?"

"Yeah. Can you do it?"

"Hmm. I'll check while I'm out next time."

The servants here couldn't go out unless they had a legitimate reason. Some had even left because they hated that rule.

"I go out sometimes on errands."

"What kind?"

"Secret."

Johnny pressed a finger to his lips. Oh, really? Not particularly interested, I nodded vaguely.

"But what's it for?"

"To spark the kid's interest a bit."

"The kid? You mean young master?"

"Yeah."

"How're you gonna use it?"

"Secret."

Only you have secrets? I have them too.

"Not fair."

He grumbled, but a few days later, Johnny handed me bottles of colorful inks. I stared in awe at the assortment filling his hands.

"Wow, that was fast."

"Borrowed them. Use 'em nicely and give 'em back."

"Got it."

I picked up one bottle; red liquid sloshed inside. I took them carefully and brought them to Robert.

Robert, sitting on the floor playing, barely glanced at the ink bottles. So I pulled out a prepared sheet of paper, laid it on the floor, and opened one. Dipping the pen nib in, I drew a line across the paper. Red ink spread vividly. Robert, who had seemed indifferent, went wide-eyed.

"Whoa!"

"What do you think? Pretty, right?"

"Yeah! Pretty!"

His little hands flapped excitedly. I handed him the pen, and he drew a line on the paper. His eyes sparkled at the red ink flowing from the nib.

"If you write a letter in such a pretty color, Madam will love it."

"Yeah, yeah! She'll love it!"

Finally, Robert seemed intrigued. I grinned wide, pondering what color to use for the letter.

"Which color do you like?"

"All of them! That one, that one, that one—I wanna do them all!"

"Then how about writing letters to other people you like too, young master?"

"Yeah! To everyone!"

It was working great. I handed him fresh paper right away. Robert dipped the nib and scribbled away. Fascinated by the colors, he wasn't thinking about actual letters—just drawing wild lines.

"Who should we write to?"

"Mother, Vincent, Nanny, Carrot, and more."

People he wanted to write to poured out of Robert's mouth effortlessly. Ambitious little guy. I couldn't help but chuckle. Good thing I'd prepared plenty of paper.

"Let's start with one for Madam."

"Okay!"

"Which color? Pick one."

I slid the colorful ink bottles toward him. Robert thought hard, then grabbed one. Purple.

I dipped the nib and placed the pen in his hand. Robert scribbled away.

[I miss you.]

It was just as expected. The misspelled words were cute, yet bittersweet. On the other hand, watching him hunch over, humming a tune as he wrote, filled me with warmth.

I gathered the messy, line-covered papers and set them aside. To keep the ink from drying, I capped the unused bottles tightly. While Robert wrote, I tidied up a bit.

Then I spotted an ink bottle rolling nearby. Curious about the color, I picked it up and held it to the sunlight. The hue shimmering inside made my eyes widen.

Gold.

A beautiful shade that stung the eyes. A color that felt so sadly out of reach for me.

Lucas.

A man who smiled at me kindly, without prejudice, came to mind. I squeezed my eyes shut. Clutching the bottle tight, I pressed it to my forehead. The cool touch seeped in. Pressing hard, the emotions I'd ignored burst forth at times, choking me. Just like when I looked at Vincent, who could see again.

Maybe I was overthinking it. Just as Vincent was living well now, perhaps Lucas was thriving somewhere too.

The last news I'd heard was that his life hung in the balance. Ethan's worried face as he told me wasn't a lie.

But that was five years ago already. It might not have ended badly. He could have buried the memory of the maid who once comforted him and found a new fate, living happily.

That's what I hope.

Please, let him be happy.

I wanted him to be as happy as he'd made me.

Vincent, Lucas, Ethan, Violet. The memories chained together stirred longing. Could I forget just by deciding to? If it were possible, I wouldn't be missing them in the first place.

Invisible yearning tore through my heart.

"All done!"

"Oh, right. Good job."

Robert's sudden voice snapped me out of it. I set the ink bottle down, glanced at it once more, then went to him.

Robert beamed, holding out the paper he'd written on. The crooked but firmly pressed letters revealed his feelings.

"Shall we write Nanny's next?"

"Yeah!"

I gave him new paper, and he grabbed the pen immediately. This time, he picked the ink on his own. Watching him swing his legs as he wrote stirred strange emotions in me.

We finished letters for the nanny, Vincent, and others. By then, Robert's hands were smudged with ink. I frowned and wiped them with the hem of my apron. He grinned nonstop, clearly unbothered by the rainbow stains.

I folded the finished letters neatly, slipped them into envelopes, and sealed them. The recipients' names were scrawled crookedly on each. Lined up, they were a vibrant rainbow. Eye-catching in every way.

But letters alone felt lacking somehow.

After a moment's thought, I scooped Robert into my arms and left the room.

He wasn't supposed to go outside, but the doorway should be fine. I went down one precise step past the door and stopped. Setting Robert down there, I cautioned him.

"You have to stay right here quietly, okay?"

"Okay."

Robert nodded obediently. Only then did I step outside and check the flowers blooming at the forest's edge. Not many usable ones near the entrance, but even a few could be made presentable. I picked them all, tidied the roots, then added some nearby fogflowers. The fuller bouquet looked decent enough.

Carrying it back to Robert, his eyes went wide.

"We'll send flowers too."

I plucked one from the freshly made yellow bouquet and handed it to him. His little hand gripped it tight, shaking it every which way. When he eyed the bouquet in my hand, I gave it to him too. Thrilled, he swung it side to side, sending petals flying everywhere.

Seeing the ruined bouquet, he demanded more, so I made two and gave him one. Then he wanted the other hand's too. He'd noticed the one I'd given him was makeshift. In the end, I handed him the pretty one. Moments later, it disintegrated in his grasp.

"Puhaha! It's snow! Snow!"

Unique way to put it. But he was so delighted, I couldn't bring myself to stop him.

"Young master, look at this."

As petals drifted down, I spotted a white flower with a round cluster of seeds through the door crack. I plucked it and blew; the white seeds scattered roundly on the wind.

"Whoa."

Robert grinned wide, waving his hands to catch the seeds.

My second child loved flowers too... Ah, why am I like this today? Feeling down, I tilted my head back. The clear sky cooled me just by looking.

The weather was perfect today. Warm sunlight, cool breeze. In a few days, full summer heat would arrive. Then flowers would fade, and white snow would blanket the world. By then, I wouldn't be here. Like those seeds on the wind, I couldn't root myself and bloom.

If I leave, I can't come back.

I wouldn't return on my own either. This was my last time here. My finale.

"Me too! Me too!"

"Yes, just a sec."

I looked around, picked a white flower with clustered seeds, and handed it over. Robert blew, and the seeds flew off on the breeze. His eyes sparkled as he chased them. Moments like this, he was just an adorable kid.

I propped my chin on my hand, which had been on my knee, and stared blankly at him. His golden hair turned translucent in the light, tousled by the wind. His purple eyes, widening and narrowing wildly, brimmed with joy. His fidgety movements sent seeds flying, overflowing with delight. He really loves this. Should've let him get some fresh air more often.

But watching Robert smile so brightly... somehow... he seemed familiar...

"Ah, you can't come out."

I quickly stopped him as he tried to follow the seeds outside. Even one step meant leaving the estate.