Chapter 61

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Harry Potta
Chapter: 61
Chapter Title: Defiance and Doubt
-----------------------------------------------------------------
#61

Alex stared at Lucy, his eyes wide.

Champagne dripped from his long, light-brown eyelashes. Despite his murderous glare, Lucy simply met his gaze, unfazed.

His bewilderment was fleeting. Alex closed his eyes and gave a bitter smile. Unable to watch any longer, Walter hurried over and offered him a handkerchief.

“Your Majesty, you truly… never fail to surprise me with your unpredictable actions.”

Rising from his seat, Alex wiped his wet face with the handkerchief and let out a hollow laugh. Unlike his laughter-tinged voice, the emotions filling his mind were exceedingly heavy and dark.

Insolent wench.

Rage swelled within him at the humiliating treatment, the likes of which he had never experienced. But strangely, along with the urge to snap the woman's neck, a curiosity arose as to what kind of audacity drove her to do such a thing.

She looked like a doll, so I underestimated her... She's a woman with more backbone than I thought.

“I thought you were only interested in politics, but it seems you're one to chase romance.”

“Life is short; I can't have just anyone by my side. Perhaps you can, but I cannot.”

“If you refuse my offer, you will surely regret it.”

Lucy scoffed, then raised the champagne bottle and drank directly from it. Alex's expression hardened at the gesture, which was completely at odds with her elegant attire.

“To win favor upon a first meeting, even praise would not suffice, yet you insult us with such insolence. Go on, have it your way. You will soon learn what power Parnas, which you so disdain, truly holds.”

“Your Majesty, if we just leave like this.”

“Walter!”

Seeing Alex approach, Lucy shouted in an angry tone. As if on cue, Walter grabbed the hilt of his sword and blocked Alex.

“I've given my answer, Crown Prince Alejandro. If you intend to continue your threats, I will repel you with force.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“My sword has little patience. Step aside.”

Staring at Lucy with burning eyes, Alex slowly stepped aside. Without even glancing at him, Lucy quickly exited the balcony.

In the suffocating pressure, a scent of magnolia, so unlike him, cautiously lingered in the empty space Lucy had left.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Whenever I think of my time with Alex, it isn't sadness or anger that comes first, but pain.

If emotion precedes words, does sensation precede emotion?

「Stop… stop…!」

The feeling of needles under my fingernails, the heel of a shoe crushing my forehead, the filthy hands lifting the hem of my dress.

「It hurts… ngh… it hurts… it hurts…!」

New wounds cover the tattered old ones.

Watching the blood flow, I would think about how much of it a human body holds, and a wish would spring forth—how wonderful it would be if all the remaining blood would drain out so I could die.

Those sensations, which might fade but never disappear, were the source of my anger and the driving force that allowed me to live again and again.

To inflict the same pain on him.

A despair even greater than this.

With that resolve, I lived four times. I endured each day, determined to repay him without fail.

But the moment I actually faced him, my body froze.

My body remembered the painful memories and tensed up completely. I think I even stammered a little, and my eyelids trembled. When he spouted his rude remarks, I should have refuted them immediately, but I hesitated and let it slide.

“So frustrating…”

Lying down on a bench, I covered my eyes with both hands.

I gently brushed my feverish eyelids with my cold fingertips. After letting out a sigh for the umpteenth time, I opened my eyes again to see Walter standing there, holding a blanket.

“The air is cold. It would be best if you covered yourself.”

His large hands, clad in black leather gloves, carefully unfolded a white wool blanket that seemed out of place with him.

Walter covered Lucy with the blanket, then stood beside her in a ready stance, his hands crossed at his waist.

After lying down for a moment and gazing at the night sky, Lucy slowly sat up and hugged the blanket to herself. Feeling something was amiss, she fumbled with her hair, then furrowed her brow upon realizing her updo was completely askew.

“Walter. If you don't mind, could you let my hair down? I think it got shifted to the side from lying down.”

“I'm afraid I'll mess it up... I'll call an attendant. One moment.”

“It's fine, just undo it. My head hurts from having it up all day.”

After a moment's hesitation, Walter reluctantly reached out at her urging.

As he untied the tightly knotted ribbon and removed the pins one by one, her sandy hair cascaded down, brushing against his hands.

Her wheat-colored hair, which seemed foreign yet radiated her unique beauty every time he saw it. Fine and soft, the way it rustled down truly reminded him of sand—Lucy's hair.

“Now that you've moved your residence to the palace, perhaps Your Majesty should consider taking on a lady-in-waiting.”

He cleared his thick voice and carefully broached the subject.

As he gently brushed down her long, loose hair, Lucy lifted her chin to meet his gaze.

“The Head Chamberlain can do it, it's fine. Old man Upet is actually quite good at braiding.”

“Do you know how old Sir Upet is?”

“He's only sixty-seven, that's still his prime. He said he enjoys it, that it feels like braiding his granddaughter's hair.”

Faced with her cheerful reply, Walter considered how to respond before reluctantly speaking.

“If you both are happy with it, I won't stop you, but it is rather painful to watch.”

“To be honest, I don't want to trouble old man Upet either. Still... even if I wanted a lady-in-waiting, someone has to want the position. It seems they're usually chosen from among close friends in the nobility, but for a woman like me with no connections to high society, a noble friend is practically a mythical creature.”

“A friend…”

“The only nobles I met at the military academy were all men. And well... it's a bit awkward to say it myself, but I've never had many friends to begin with. I have a difficult personality, you know.”

Lucy offered a faint smile to hide her bitterness.

A difficult personality, hard to read, impulsive...

I was never a very sociable person to begin with, but even when I did make friends, they would either be despised by the royal family, used as leverage by Alex, or suffer in some other way because of me. As the years passed, I gradually stopped letting people get close.

The only exceptions were Geronimo and Badel, whom I was close to at the academy. I gave up on them because they kept sticking around no matter how much I pushed them away.

How could I possibly have someone suitable to be a lady-in-waiting?

The moment she waved her hand dismissively, adding, “I don't need a lady-in-waiting, anyway,” Walter exclaimed and turned his gaze to Lucy.

“I've just thought of someone who would gladly volunteer to be your lady-in-waiting if Your Majesty were to ask.”

“Oh, please. Marquess Rutherford is too busy. Forget it, just sit next to me.”

Dismissing his words, Lucy patted the spot beside her. Walter thought, *That's not who I was referring to...* but he obediently sat down next to her.

Located on the top of the fourth floor, the palace rooftop balcony was utterly deserted, save for the occasional Raphi soldier streaking across the sky.

Under the dark night sky, the light from the garden below and the sound of people's laughter faintly brushed past her ears like tinnitus.

Sitting together in this dim place, separate from the sky and the palace, it felt as if they were the only two people left in the world. Gazing at the stars, Lucy spoke in a light tone.

“What do you think?”

“About what, Your Majesty?”

“About what the Crown Prince said. Can we stop Dopein and the Empire?”

Walter stroked his chin and fell into silence. After a brief silence, his voice was as calm as ever.

“The difference in military strength is too great. Neither will be easy.”

“…So it's impossible after all.”

“You spoke so confidently about Parnas's true power, I naturally assumed you had a brilliant plan. I see that wasn't the case.”

Lucy scratched her head and sighed.

“He was threatening to invade if I didn't join him. In that situation, what else could I do but bluff? In negotiations, you've already lost if you let the atmosphere overwhelm you. I had to show him that I was the one in control.”

“You did well. Anyone else would have been crushed by his presence and swept along. I thought he was no ordinary man when we met before... but facing him today, I'm certain he is someone we cannot afford to underestimate.”

Walter recalled his first encounter with Alex on the sea.

Even in the midst of the chaos, Alex had smiled gently and turned his ship around, saying that simply meeting the rumored Grand General had made the trip to these waters worthwhile.

His ability to naturally maintain his dignity in a situation where any ordinary person would have been flustered was quite impressive. At the same time, it occurred to him that Alex would be quite a handful as an enemy.

He just hadn't expected that premonition to become reality so soon.

“What do we do if he really invades?”

Lucy muttered, pulling her legs up onto the bench and hugging them.

She curled into a small ball, rested her chin on her knees, and stared at the garden lights shining below the railing.

“He came too soon… that bastard. If I'd met him after I was more prepared, I could have really taught him a lesson. What can I possibly do, having just ascended the throne? I might be able to use my wits to fend off Dopein somehow, but the Empire is on another level entirely.”

My meeting with Alex should have happened four or five years from now at the earliest.

My plan was to build up our military and national strength sufficiently, then form an alliance with the three kingdoms to overthrow the Empire, but today's meeting has ruined everything.

No. Actually, it all went wrong the moment Dopein and Antevasila showed signs of going to war.

An alliance of three kingdoms? I'll be lucky if a war of unification doesn't break out at any moment.

“I've always maintained the attitude of a bystander when it comes to war... but I realized something when I raised an army this time.”

With her hands on her knees, she fiddled with the hem of her dress.

A gentle breeze, somewhat cool for spring, swirled softly around Lucy's hair before departing.

“That war isn't as simple as it sounds. Tens of thousands, thousands... I used to think of them as just numbers, but in reality, it's an issue with so many lives at stake.”

No life, however humble, can be dismissed as worthless.

And the culmination of all those lives is what people commonly call ‘history’ itself.

Am I truly a person worthy of swaying the course of that history?

Seizing the throne wasn't difficult, but the anguish it presents has no single answer. Each must walk their own royal path, bearing their own answers.

Lucy, too, had to choose the path she would walk.

Will I raise an army and fight the enemy?

Or will I sacrifice my own life to protect my people?