Chapter 38

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Translator: Harry Potta

Chapter: 38

Chapter Title: Tears in the Dark

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“I heard it's the most popular play going around these days. After watching it, I totally get why everyone's raving about it.”

“Glad it hit the spot for you. I figured a cliché love story like that might bore you.”

“There were those hilarious bits sprinkled throughout. I got completely sucked in before I knew it.”

Herwin was humming cheerfully to himself, pleased that he'd discovered such a great hobby for her.

The play had wrapped up, and night had already fallen. Darkness blanketed the outside. Lucia stared vacantly at the back of Herwin's head, gleaming like black pearls under the moonlight.

“Shall we grab dinner now...”

“Herwin.”

Herwin didn't miss Lucia's soft voice and halted in place. Spotting her lagging behind, he turned back to her.

“What're you doing, not keeping up?”

Instead of answering, Lucia tilted her head up to gaze at his face. With the moon behind him, his features were shrouded in shadow—but she thought that was for the best.

Quietly, she pulled a small gift box from her handbag—the one she'd carried around all day.

“Here.”

“...What's this?”

“I like you, Herwin.”

Herwin's hand froze midway to accepting the gift.

It had only been a little over a week since her last confession. He'd assumed the next one wouldn't come for at least two months...

Herwin slowly lifted his head to look at Lucia.

His pale eyes curved gently in the dimness. Yet somehow, this felt different from her usual confessions.

“Please... go out with me?”

Just a minute ago, he'd been full of playful mischief, but sensing her seriousness, Herwin's face hardened.

“...Sorry.”

“...Can I ask why?”

Herwin grimaced uncomfortably before forcing the words out.

“I told you before—I like Arista.”

“...”

That's what he'd said when he'd turned down her confession a few days ago. Lucia had known it all along.

Still, she forced a smile and pressed on.

“If you didn't like Arista... would you have accepted me?”

“That's...”

He looked utterly caught off guard, like the thought had never crossed his mind.

'Sorry, Serian. I've never seen you as anything more than a friend...'

Why was a line from the play popping into his head right now?

Herwin fell silent. But Lucia could guess his answer. And that made her heart ache even more.

It meant she'd never be anything more than that to him.

In the end, Lucia dropped her gaze, tears spilling down her cheeks.

She wept without a sound, more heartbreakingly fragile than ever.

The surroundings were so dark, and with her head bowed, Herwin didn't notice she was crying.

It just felt heavier than usual—like the air itself had sunk low, making him uneasy.

“Sigh... Did you ask for my whole day today just for this?”

He tried to lighten the mood with a casual quip, but no response came. Normally, she'd laugh it off and break the tension by now.

As suspicion crept in, Lucia thrust the gift box into his chest.

“Guess we won't be having dinner together.”

Hearing the thick, choked tone in her voice, Herwin finally realized she was crying.

“I'm heading back first.”

“Wait, Lucia...!”

Thwack!

When Herwin grabbed her, she shook him off coldly.

It was the first time she'd ever rejected him like that, and it stunned him.

“Sorry.”

She tried to smile, but her face crumpled as she turned back to him. Only then did he notice her pale eyes brimming with tears.

Herwin watched her retreating figure in a daze, a sudden instinct screaming that he couldn't let her go like this.

He grabbed her arm again.

“It's late. Let me at least walk you home.”

“...I'm fine.”

“Come on, listen to me. How are you gonna walk home alone on a night this dark...”

“Herwin!”

Lucia shouted, cutting him off. Her voice trembled as she spoke.

“Don't make me feel any more pathetic than I already do.”

Seeing the deep despair in her eyes, Herwin couldn't hold on any longer. His grip slackened, and she pulled away.

“Sorry for dumping this on you right before you head north. ...Let's meet again someday with smiles on our faces.”

With a faint smile, Lucia slipped away.

Herwin couldn't move until she vanished into the darkness. She was smiling, yes—but through her eyes, he could see the tears beyond.

“There you are, Young Master.”

Soon after, a carriage bearing the Peneus crest pulled up beside him.

The coachman had come looking when Herwin hadn't shown at the rendezvous spot on time.

“Did Lady Agnes head back already?”

At the mention of her name, Herwin scowled and ruffled his hair. The coachman quickly clammed up, sensing his foul mood.

Herwin climbed into the carriage wordlessly.

“Straight to the estate, sir.”

Herwin blankly scanned the chilly interior of the carriage.

Just earlier at the play, everything had felt so fun... Now, it all seemed as colorless as the shadowed streets outside.

The carriage jolted, shaking the luggage inside. Among the scattered shopping bags, Herwin spotted one and let out a sigh.

“...In the end, I couldn't give it to her.”

The aquamarine earrings he'd bought to return the favor for her gift to him. Now there was no chance.

“Wonder if it'll be okay to give them later.”

He had no idea. All he wanted was to stay on good terms with her.

No matter how hard he tried, she saw him romantically, and his mind was a mess.

Suddenly recalling the gift she'd forced on him at the end, Herwin opened the crumpled box in his hand.

Inside was a handkerchief embroidered with the Peneus crest and his initials.

Her image overlapped with it—the way she'd shoved him away, tears streaming down her face. His chest tightened, making it hard to breathe.

Herwin undid the top button of his shirt and exhaled heavily.

'Let's meet again someday with smiles on our faces.'

Her final words echoed in his mind.

“...We really will meet smiling again, right? Lucia?”

The question hung unanswered in the carriage's confines.

Not wanting to dwell on it anymore, Herwin squeezed his eyes shut.

Unlike his clenched left fist, his right hand cradled the handkerchief she'd given him, not a single wrinkle marring it.

After parting with Herwin, Lucia wandered the dark streets, tears flowing endlessly.

It felt like a massive hole had been torn in her heart.

No matter how she tried to steel herself—like pouring water into a shattered vase—emotions welled up uncontrollably from the deep wound.

The overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness crashed over her like a storm, making it hard to stay sane.

Lucia halted her faltering steps and sank to the ground right there.

She pressed her hands to her chest, trying to fill the gaping void, but nothing changed.

It was suffocating. There was clearly a hole, yet no amount of effort could seal it.

“...Ah, ugh...”

Her chest heaved like she'd choked on something. She wanted to wail, but her voice wouldn't come. Nothing went her way.

“...Damn!”

“Ugh, hngh...”

“Miss!”

A familiar voice called from afar, drawing closer.

Tears blurred her vision, but as they dripped away, a pair of shoes appeared before her.

“Miss, what are you doing out here like this?”

“...Sein.”

Sein bit her lower lip hard at the sight of Lucia's tear-streaked face, then helped her to her feet.

“...Did it not go well?”

Lucia offered no reply, just wept endlessly.

Clutching her chest without a sound, she looked so utterly forlorn that Sein's heart ached in sympathy.

“I won't pry, Miss. Don't cry—just get in the carriage first.”

With Sein's support, Lucia managed one shaky step at a time.

Sein had come here anticipating failure—she'd prepared for Lucia coming home alone after a rejected confession.

If it had succeeded, Lucia wouldn't return on time, so she'd been told to head back.

Sein had arrived twenty minutes early and waited with the carriage.

Praying desperately that Lucia wouldn't show.

The appointed time had passed a bit, but she'd lingered just in case—only for Lucia to appear.

Sein stayed silently by her side in the carriage all the way home, lending her shoulder to cry on.

Lucia leaned against her limply, tears pouring out until she seemed on the verge of collapse.

The entire household let out dismayed sighs when Lucia returned like a soulless doll, despite leaving so brightly earlier.

Yohan and Julian rushed over upon hearing the news late.

“Lucia, what happened?”

“Please, just tell us.”

Their beloved daughter, whom they cherished more than their own eyes, was sobbing—and it tore their hearts apart.

Lucia spoke with unfocused eyes.

“It's over now.”

“...What?”

“Herwin turned me down. So... everything's finished.”

Why did saying it feel like declaring her own life was over?

Terror gripped them—what if Lucia did something drastic?

Seeing her hit harder than expected, Yohan's pale eyes wavered aimlessly. He reached for her.

“I'll do the arranged marriage like Mother and Father want.”

But his hand stopped short of her shoulder.

“I'll go along without complaint. Just... leave me alone tonight.”

Lucia brushed past them and climbed the stairs unsteadily.

She looked precarious, but no one followed except Sein.

As Lucia vanished, Julian burst into tears and clung to Yohan.

“Dear, is this really okay? Is letting it stay like this truly for her own good?”

“...Damn it all.”

Yohan couldn't give her a satisfying answer and spat out a curse. It was the first time such rough words had left his mouth, startling everyone.

He wrapped his arms around his crying wife and bit his lip silently. But soon, he squeezed his eyes shut, as if the situation pained him deeply.

Tonight, he'd need alcohol just to sleep.

While helping the dazed Lucia into bed, Sein noticed clear droplets falling onto the back of her hand and looked up.

“Sein...”

“Yes, Miss.”

“Is love always this painful?”

As fresh tears welled up in eyes she'd thought dry, Sein rose and sat beside her.

“I didn't ask for much. I just wanted Herwin's love... Or is even that too much for me? I have no idea how to escape this pain.”

Lucia buried her face in her hands, shoulders trembling finely. Sein patted her back gently.

“Think of it as growing pains, Miss.”

“...”

“Everyone endures pain while growing—not just the body, but the heart too. If you overcome this, you'll grow into a wonderful person.”

“Better not to grow if it hurts this much.”

The agony brimmed to her throat, choking her. If this was growing pains, she'd rather skip them.

Sein gave a wry smile and nodded.

“That's because your feelings for Young Master Peneus were genuine. But Miss, you have no regrets about loving him all this time, right?”

After a long silence, Lucia nodded slowly. Loving him and expressing it fully left no regrets.

“Then that's enough. You poured your heart out without holding back, so once these pains pass, you'll be okay. Cliché as it sounds, time heals all wounds.”

“...I hope so.”

Lucia clutched her throbbing heart.

Closing her eyes brought back Herwin's rejecting face, tormenting her anew.

Would a day come when thinking of him didn't hurt?

Right now, she couldn't tell.