Chapter 40

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Translator: Harry Potta
Chapter: 40
Chapter Title: A Simple Request
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I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the full story. How could I tell him that my mother found my eyes repulsive, that she sometimes lost her temper and tried to stab them with scissors? I just gave him a simplified version.

“I was almost stabbed in the eye with a pair of scissors.”

I added that until now, I'd only ever trimmed my hair little by little with a small knife. Diego must have known I was hiding the most important part. But he didn't press for more. After taking a small sip of her milk, Aileen asked him in a listless tone.

“Sir Diego, you’re not afraid of anything, are you?”

“Of course not. I have fears too.”

She assumed it was a lie meant to comfort her. But Diego was telling the truth, without a hint of exaggeration.

“I was afraid of defeat.”

“Defeat?”

“Well… we all prepare for war, devise strategies, and fight together, you know? But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it’s just not enough. You lose, and lose, and lose again.”

He seemed a bit awkward as he spoke, needlessly running a hand through his hair.

“At times like that… you get overwhelmed by a sense of failure, and I hated that.”

The sight of his struggling comrades, the uniquely bleak and pessimistic atmosphere of defeat, the pitch-black uncertainty of the future. Diego laid out his memories, raw and unfiltered.

“It was quite difficult for me, so whenever I felt like I couldn’t bear it anymore, I’d get one.”

He smiled playfully and tugged on his ear. Since he was on duty, he'd removed all his accessories, leaving only the piercing holes visible.

“When piercings weren’t enough, I started adding tattoos, one by one. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back now…”

Diego paused, choosing his words carefully. After some thought, he selected the word that most accurately described his actions.

“I think it was a form of self-harm.”

It was a phrase she'd never imagined would come from Diego's lips. As Aileen stared at him in surprise, Diego shrugged.

“I’m fine now. That’s all in the past.”

He grinned, saying he no longer got any more piercings or tattoos. Aileen bit her lower lip slightly before asking quietly.

“How… did you get better?”

“I whined.”

Diego made a running motion across the table with two fingers.

“Whenever things got tough, I’d run to Rotan, Senon, or Michele and whine about when we were ever going to win. Then we’d all put our heads together and figure out a way. I’d spout nonsense to the Grand Duke, telling him I’d renounce my knighthood if we didn’t win the next battle. And after that, His Excellency would always bring us victory.”

Saying that he’d been fine ever since, Diego pointed the fingers that had been running across the table toward Aileen. Then, he tapped the glass she was holding.

“When I was younger, I thought I was the greatest person in the world, but I learned there are a lot of things you can’t do alone.”

Aileen gazed at his finger touching her glass. Her lips trembled slightly.

“Sir Diego.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“…I want to change, too.”

She could never be like Ornella. That was impossible from the start. She and Ornella were different from birth. No matter how much Aileen changed, she couldn't change her parents.

Still, she wanted to try as much as she could. She had to become someone who wouldn't be a source of shame when standing by Cesare's side. She didn't want to be a stain on his name.

“The truth is… I want to be pretty…”

She revealed her shameful desire to Diego. The kind Diego didn't laugh at her wish. He offered her some serious advice.

“How about trimming your bangs, like they suggested at the boutique?”

“Won’t my eyes look too hideous?”

“What?! Absolutely not. Both I and His Excellency the Grand Duke adore your eyes.”

Come to think of it, Cesare had asked her in the garden to keep her bangs pushed back so he could see her eyes. He hadn't shown any disgust, even when looking at her bare face.

“His Excellency will be thrilled if you cut your bangs.”

Diego's gentle encouragement gave her a small boost of confidence. Even if she found them hideous, she wanted to cut her bangs if it would please Cesare. But there was still an obstacle.

“But I’m scared…”

When scissors came near her face, it became hard to breathe. Her body would tremble violently, and her vision would go black. If Diego hadn't been there earlier, she might have fainted.

“Should I take a sleeping pill and have them cut? There’s a strong one. It’s in the lab, though.”

Diego recoiled at Aileen's rather extreme suggestion. He hummed, crossing his arms in thought for a moment. Then, he placed his hands on the table and spoke solemnly.

“Let’s ask His Excellency for help.”

***

As they neared the Grand Duke's residence, Aileen kept glancing around nervously. She even subtly tugged on Diego's sleeve to get his attention.

“Will this really be okay? He must be very busy…”

She was afraid he would be annoyed with her for bothering him with something so trivial. After all, she was handling something that could have been resolved at a salon in a very inefficient way.

But contrary to Aileen's mountain of worries, Diego was brimming with confidence.

“Just trust me. He’ll definitely see you.”

He even boasted that Cesare wouldn't just see her, he'd be delighted. His overwhelming optimism only made her more anxious. Aileen fretted, fidgeting and wondering if they should turn back now, but Diego drove the military vehicle straight toward the Grand Duke's residence.

The soldiers guarding the main gate stopped the vehicle. When Diego rolled down the driver's side window, they gave a sharp salute and opened the gate.

In the blink of an eye, the military vehicle crossed the garden and arrived at the mansion. As Diego escorted Aileen out of the car, the staff, flustered by the unannounced visit, hurried out to greet them.

“Where is His Excellency?”

“He’s in his office.”

The moment Diego heard Cesare's location, he strode forward without hesitation. Aileen hurriedly followed him, whispering.

“Are you sure this is okay? What if he’s working in his office?”

“Then he’s working.”

“What if he gets angry…?”

“His Excellency wouldn’t get angry at you even if the sky fell.”

When he asked her to think carefully about whether Cesare had ever been angry with her, Aileen let out a small “Ah.”

He hadn't. She quickly racked her brain, but there truly wasn't a single time. All she could remember were times she had trembled in fear, anticipating a scolding that never came.

“Your Excellency. It’s Diego.”

They arrived at the office while Aileen was still lost in her memories. Diego gave a perfunctory knock to announce their presence before flinging the door open without waiting for permission. He stepped aside so Aileen would be clearly visible.

“And Lady Aileen is here with me.”

With no time to prepare herself, Aileen came face-to-face with Cesare. Flustered, she stammered.

“Ah, Y-Your Excellency the Grand Duke.”

Cesare had been at his desk, reviewing documents. He looked at Aileen, his eyes wide with unconcealed surprise.

In that moment, Aileen realized something.

She had never once sought him out before he had summoned her.

But her situation was such that she could only come when he called. Even today, if it hadn't been for Diego, she would never have dared to think of visiting.

Cesare looked at Aileen in silence for a moment. Seated at his ebony desk, he narrowed his eyes slightly before setting down his pen.

He rose from his seat, strode over, and stood before Aileen. As she tilted her head back to look up at him, Cesare took her chin in his hand. His red eyes scanned her face intently.

“Who bothered you?”

Her face flushed at his low-voiced question. Though she hadn't said a word, Cesare had read the anxiety and worry etched on her. With her face still in his grasp, Aileen answered softly, “No one.”

“Then what’s the problem? Didn’t you like the wedding dress? Should we have a new one made?”

Aileen darted her eyes toward Diego in a silent plea for help. But Diego just made an 'X' with his hands. It meant she had to say it herself.

Left with no choice, Aileen began to speak hesitantly.

“I want to… cut my bangs…”

“You want to, but?”

“I was wondering if Your Excellency could help… It’s a very simple thing, and I’d only need a moment of your time. Just ten minutes or so.”

After earnestly stressing that she wouldn't be too much of a bother, she gently voiced her request.

“Would you… stay with me while I get my hair cut?”