Chapter 42

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Harry Potta
Chapter: 42
Chapter Title: The Marriage I Wanted
-----------------------------------------------------------------

His voice sounded somewhat angry. *Could this be the first time in my life Cesare is actually scolding me?* Aileen, completely deflated, answered.
“No…”
Aileen shrank back, pulling her head away slightly. Then Cesare reached out and caressed the corner of her eye.
“Was it Baroness Elorde?”
Aileen could neither confirm nor deny his words.
The truth was, she knew. Her mother had loved her, but she had given an even greater part of her heart to the Prince. Between the love her mother had for her and the love she had for the Prince, there was a gap that could never be closed, one that only ever widened.
The moment that ever-widening distance crossed a certain line, her mother became strange. She, too, was aware that her state was abnormal. She had made tireless efforts to overcome it on her own.
But even when she managed to suppress it well, once it erupted, she would lose all control. The first time her mother had exploded was when she was twelve.
A few days after Aileen had been kidnapped and then rescued thanks to Cesare. Having heard something somewhere, her mother had whipped Aileen severely with a switch.
“Because of you, because of someone like you…!”
That was also the first day she had screamed at her not to look at her with such disgusting eyes. When her mother's anger had subsided, Aileen had hugged her and cried with her as she apologized. Her calves were so swollen they were bleeding.
From that day on, her mother couldn't hold back the sudden surges of anger. She had tried to stab her own eyes with scissors, and she had taken out the anger she felt toward her father on Aileen.
But it wasn't always like that. There were tender moments, joyful moments. The memory of them cooking, washing dishes, and laughing together. The memory of making flower bracelets together from the wildflowers Aileen had picked. The memory of her mother gently stroking her hair before she fell asleep…
*If I could just receive even a small bit of love from my mother, even like that.*
*Even if it was just the scraps left over from her love for the Prince, if I could just have my mother's affection.*
Aileen could endure it all.
As she thought of her mother and bit her lip, Cesare's eyes narrowed slightly. He pressed his finger against her gnawed lip to make her release it before speaking.
“Your mother isn't the whole world, is she?”
“Still, my mother wouldn't have said such things without a reason.”
“And my words have no reason?”
“Ah, that's not it, of course Your Excellency, no… Sir Cesare, you too…”
The more she spoke, the more it felt like she was digging her own grave. Aileen resorted to the best words for such a situation.
“I'm sorry.”
She didn't know what for, but she apologized anyway. But Cesare was not an easy opponent.
“Why.”
His curt question sent Aileen back into contemplation. And she offered the safest answer she could think of.
“Because you seem angry because of me…”
“Me? At you?”
Cesare asked back, his tone incredulous as if such a thought had never even crossed his mind. Letting out a short laugh, Cesare firmly pinched Aileen's cheek. Aileen, feeling deeply guilty, couldn't even say it hurt and obediently offered her cheek to him.
Fortunately, Cesare only pinched it for a moment before letting go. As Aileen rubbed her slightly stinging cheek, he muttered in a low voice.
“Can't exactly pull a dead person out of their grave.”
“Pardon?”
When she asked again, not having heard him properly, Cesare said it was nothing and helped her up.
“You should go home.”
*I have to go home already?* Time had passed too quickly. She knew she had to leave quickly so as not to bother Cesare, but a sense of regret kept her from answering readily. She wanted to stay with him just a little longer.
As Aileen hesitated, he gave her another option.
“Or you could stay the night again.”
“Y-You must be busy, so I'll go home!”
The answer that had been so hard to produce just moments ago came out instantly. Cesare naturally led Aileen to the front door. At first, she thought he was just seeing her off, but that wasn't it.
He opened the door of the waiting car, helped Aileen in, and then got into the driver's seat himself.
“Are you coming with me?”
Seeing Aileen's eyes widen in surprise, Cesare narrowed one of his and retorted.
“Were you planning on going alone?”
Mimicking Aileen's way of speaking, he started the car and said.
“Your husband will take you, so let's go together.”
***
It had been a very long time since he had visited the brick house.
Aileen secretly hoped Cesare might mention the small changes to the brick house. Like the growth of the orange tree, for instance.
But Cesare's eyes were indifferent. He acted as if it were an overly familiar place he had visited countless times before. He paused for a moment in front of the orange tree and looked up, but that was all. There was no other particular reaction.
“Thank you for taking me home.”
As Aileen thanked him at the door, Cesare crossed his arms and looked down at her. Aileen looked up at him, struck once again by their height difference.
“Just a thank you?”
“Uh, then…”
“I think I deserve at least a dinner invitation.”
“…Ah.”
He was referring to the time she had only invited the knights for dinner. Cesare placed a hand on the door and leaned toward Aileen. His large hand reached out and lightly touched her shortened bangs.
“I helped you cut your hair, too.”
Aileen, who could only blink, decided to invite him in.
“W-Would you like to come in, then? I'm not prepared at all, so it might be a little lacking.”
As she opened the door and spoke, Cesare strode inside without a single word of refusal. Aileen stared with unfamiliar eyes at Cesare, who now stood tall inside the brick house.
The brick house had a generally quaint and cozy atmosphere. With Cesare entering this humble place, it felt incredibly out of place.
But Cesare scanned the interior with a familiarity as if it were his own home. His gaze landed on her father's bedroom.
Aileen quickly went to her father's room, knocked, and tried the doorknob. The door slid open. It seemed he had gone out.
“Baron Elorde still seems to be wandering about, I see.”
“Yes. But I don't think he's been going to Fiore Street lately.”
“He *can't* go, more like.”
The words he added with a crooked smile were accurate. Cesare passed the dining table, glanced around the kitchen, and spoke leisurely.
“If you want the Baron to stay home, just say the word. I'll make it happen.”
“No, it's really okay.”
Aileen followed him into the kitchen. Then, in front of Cesare, she clattered the cupboards open and closed, checking for ingredients.
Fortunately, it seemed she could make a simple sandwich. Since a sandwich was just a matter of assembling ingredients, it wouldn't be too obvious even if it didn't taste great.
Of course, for a meal to serve Cesare, it was quite meager…
*‘Should I run out and buy something now?’*
Aileen, holding a paper-wrapped baguette, glanced surreptitiously at Cesare. He tilted his chin and asked.
“We're having sandwiches?”
“…How did you know?”
He was so accurate that she was startled and almost dropped the bread. Cesare took the baguette from Aileen's hand and placed it next to the cutting board.
“It was written on your face. 'Sandwich'.”
“I'm not a good cook… With the ingredients I have now, I'm only confident in making sandwiches.”
She habitually tried to push up her glasses, only to fumble awkwardly at the corner of her eye. It seemed it was still too early for her to have adapted to life without glasses and bangs.
“And if you had the ingredients, you'd be confident?”
“No.”
She answered seriously, just in case he might actually ask her to cook something. Then, seeing him smile, Aileen realized he was joking.
*‘But it's so hard to tell…’*
She was always confused about whether he was joking or being serious. Deciding she would just have to keep living seriously, she rolled up her sleeves to her elbows. And she turned on the faucet to wash her hands first.
But then Cesare also took off his leather gloves, rolled up his sleeves, and naturally began washing his hands alongside her. He placed the baguette on the cutting board and picked up a large bread knife.
“H-Here, give it to me!”
“The knife?”
With a short laugh, he instantly sliced the baguette lengthwise. Everything in the kitchen must have been small and low for him, making it uncomfortable, yet he wielded the knife with ease.
Aileen's eyes widened as she saw the bread, sliced as neatly as if measured with a ruler.
*‘It would be great if His Excellency could do this when I'm portioning research materials.’*
She felt an instinctive greed for his talent, but Cesare was too great a man to be wielding a knife in a mere laboratory. Having missed out on a brilliant research assistant right before her eyes, Aileen swallowed her disappointment and began to neatly stack ingredients on the halved baguette to make a sandwich.
She piled on salami and capicola, black olives and lettuce, red onions, tomatoes, and several kinds of cheese, then covered it with the other half of the bread. It was an assembly too embarrassing to even call cooking.
Watching Cesare slice the long sandwich into easy-to-eat pieces, Aileen had a sudden realization.
*‘This was the kind of marriage I wanted.’*
A peaceful time, humbly sharing daily life. But now that she had decided to become the Grand Duchess, it was a wish that could never come true.