Chapter 85

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Translator: Harry Potta
Chapter: 85
Chapter Title: Dream and Reality
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With each knight having their own duties, it was difficult for all of them to assemble. Aileen had no intention of forcing them to come, so she simply asked for the one with the most time to spare.
And so, that evening, Rotan came to see Aileen.
[I’m sorry for calling you so suddenly.]
Aileen looked at him with an expression full of gratitude and apology. Rotan, furrowing his thick eyebrows, spoke as if he didn’t understand.
“If the Grand Duchess summons us, is it not our duty to come?”
He even chided her, saying she shouldn’t apologize for such things. Aileen nodded her head vigorously at his words.
Then, she cleared her throat at length. The words she was about to say were not something she could bear to write on paper. In a cracked voice, Aileen whispered softly.
“Cesare… almost killed me.”
It seemed he knew that Aileen had been hurt by Cesare, but not the specific details. Aileen squeezed her voice out again to a wide-eyed, frozen Rotan.
“And then he hurt himself in front of me.”
A distinct crack appeared on Rotan’s face. Aileen took a sip of warm tea to soothe her aching throat before continuing.
“I’m worried something like this will happen again…. What if Cesare gets seriously hurt?”
Aileen drank her tea again. Continuously sipping the warm liquid made her throat feel much better.
While Aileen diligently moistened her throat, Rotan let out a long, heavy sigh.
“Lady Aileen.”
He grimaced, the burn scar on his face twisting, and spoke in a somewhat pained voice.
“Please prioritize your own safety above all else.”
It wasn’t so different from what Cesare had told her. Aileen wrote on a piece of paper, ‘I’ll try,’ and showed it to him. Rotan still looked displeased, but he said nothing more.
“About Cesare’s condition… if you know anything at all, please tell me……”
She asked if he had any idea why Cesare was self-harming. But though Aileen endured the pain in her throat to plead with him, Rotan remained silent.
He was a gruff man, but he had always been warm and kind to Aileen. It was rare for him, who always initiated conversation and enjoyed talking with her, to remain silent for so long.
From his silence, Aileen could tell. Rotan knew something, but he couldn't easily tell her.
*How frustrating.*
There was surely a clear reason he couldn’t speak freely, but she couldn’t help the feeling of frustration. Aileen bit her lip, then listlessly moved her fountain pen to ask another question.
[Then what should I do from now on? If something similar happens again.]
“…If it ever happens again.”
Rotan, who had been staring blankly at her shaky handwriting, finally opened his lips. But what he said was something Aileen had never expected.
“Stab Sir Cesare with a knife.”
Aileen’s lips parted on their own. Toward her dumbfounded face, Rotan continued his absurd logic in a very rational tone.
“You must stab him with the intent to kill. Only then will he come to his senses.”
He even added an explanation that she could act without worry, as Cesare was someone who would never die even if she stabbed him. Aileen brandished her fountain pen faster than ever before.
[HowcouldIdothatIcouldneverI’mnotconfident]
Rotan carefully read the hastily scribbled, grammatically messy note and offered a new suggestion.
“You’re not confident? Then how about we do some training?”
At his offer to teach her how to use a knife, Aileen shook her head wildly. Their conversation was going in completely different directions. Aileen broke out in a cold sweat as she looked at Rotan.
There wasn’t a hint of a joke on Rotan’s face. He was speaking with pure sincerity. After talking for some time about how to stab Cesare with a knife, he finally returned to the original topic.
“There is nothing we can tell you yet. But I can assure you of one thing.”
His face was just as serious as when he’d told her to stab Cesare.
“Under any circumstances, Sir Cesare does not want you to get hurt. Never.”
That was why he’d told her to just stab him instead, Rotan added. Despite his firm opinion, Aileen shook her head frantically. That was something she could never do. In the end, the conversation could go no further and concluded there.
Having called a busy man over only to nearly receive a lesson in swordsmanship, Aileen saw the departing Rotan to the front of the mansion.
Watching the car carrying Rotan drive away, a flurry of complex thoughts filled her mind. As Aileen was lost in contemplation, Sonio approached her quietly and spoke.
“His Excellency has returned. He is in the central courtyard. Would you like to see him?”
Normally, whenever Cesare returned to the grand ducal residence, the first thing he did was find Aileen to greet her. But since Sonio was informing her of his return, it seemed he had no intention of coming to see her today. She guessed he probably wouldn’t enter their bedroom either.
*I didn’t get to see him this morning, either.*
Looking back, it was always Cesare who came to find her first. Even though she was the Grand Duchess and they lived in the same house.
Today, she could be the one to go see him first. Aileen thanked Sonio and headed for the central courtyard where Cesare was said to be.
The night courtyard was not too dark, with lanterns lit here and there. The moonlight was also bright, making the surroundings clearly visible. Aileen quietly crossed the courtyard.
As the grand ducal residence was quite large, the central courtyard was also immense. It was the space most visible to guests entering the mansion, and thus the one the estate’s gardeners managed most meticulously. Not a single blade of grass or flower was planted without purpose.
It was filled with precious ornamental plants, so whenever Aileen felt like a walk in the garden, she would start at the central courtyard. It was always a place that delighted the eyes, but right now, her gaze didn't linger anywhere.
Cesare was under an orange tree in the courtyard. He was leaning against the tree, smoking a cigarette with a blank expression.
Seeing Cesare smoke for the first time, Aileen stopped in her tracks without realizing it. His red eyes turned toward her. He seemed to have sensed her presence long ago, showing no sign of surprise at seeing her.
A strange silence hung in the air. Cesare lowered the cigarette, turned his head to the side, and exhaled the smoke. Then he stubbed the cigarette out on a decorative object placed beside him.
Only after watching his action did Aileen realize the pillar-like ornament under the orange tree was an ashtray.
Cesare lightly brushed his clothes with his hand and looked at Aileen again. Aileen hesitated before approaching him. Cesare simply stood still, waiting for her to come closer.
Aileen stood before Cesare and looked up at him, then took a slight breath. He smelled of cigarette smoke. It was the first time she had seen him smoke, and the first time she had smelled it on him.
Facing this unfamiliar Cesare, Aileen just blinked for a moment. She couldn’t think of how to start a conversation.
She had planned to open with a natural evening greeting, but now, standing in front of Cesare, her lips were sealed shut. Perhaps it was because he seemed so different today.
As she stood there just looking at him, Cesare suddenly bent at the waist and leaned in.
“Why call someone else?”
His face close, he caressed Aileen’s cheek and spoke in a low voice.
“And not ask your husband directly?”
Aileen swallowed hard. After diligently drinking tea and taking medicine all day, her throat was in much better condition. Her voice was still hoarse, but it didn’t hurt much to speak. Still, she tried her best to keep her voice from cracking as she asked.
“Will you tell me if I ask?”
Cesare, who had been intently watching her throat, answered casually.
“Only what I want to tell you.”
Though extremely nervous, Aileen summoned her courage and made a request.
“Show me your palm.”
He readily took off his glove and showed her his palm. The wound from the letter opener had vanished completely. Aileen stared at his palm for a moment before looking back up at Cesare. Cesare did not avoid her gaze.
She felt that if she didn’t ask him now, she might lose the chance forever. Aileen held his hand tightly and asked.
“At the brick house… why did you do that?”
The wind blew. The leaves of the orange tree rustled in the breeze, sounding like waves. Cesare stared at Aileen without blinking.
She thought he wouldn’t answer, but he opened his mouth readily. His tone was dry, as if he were telling someone else’s story.
“I once had a dream where I lived with you in the brick house.”
He reached out with his free hand and unwrapped Aileen’s bandage. With one hand, he skillfully untied the knot around her neck.
“It was a long dream. I was trapped in it for a long time, wandering. And to get out of there…”
*Swish.* The white bandage loosened, revealing the scar hidden beneath. Looking at the red handprint, Cesare said.
“I had to kill you.”
“……”
“But yesterday, for a moment, I couldn’t distinguish between the dream and reality……”
Cesare trailed off, uncharacteristically, and gave a faint smile. He wore a composed expression, but his eyes were so dry and broken that even Aileen could see it.
Looking into his ruined eyes, her heart ached as if she had clenched a fistful of glass shards. Aileen swallowed the throbbing pain in her chest and opened her lips.
“…That was a dream. It wasn’t the real me.”
She didn’t want him to suffer and be in pain over a mere illusion of her. Aileen squeezed the hand she held with all her might and whispered.
“I’m right here, Cesare.”